She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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