Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
