I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
