And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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