Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
