I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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