brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
