Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize