If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You made out with two different species that night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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