If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
