I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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