I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
