What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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