im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
