you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
