Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
