Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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