youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
