dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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