it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
