I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
