If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
