Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
