Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
