is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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