Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
