My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
