you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
