I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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