Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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