1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
