people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently the secret to your success is patron
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
