Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
