Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
