I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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