why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
