please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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