My room smells like vodka and shame
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
