I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
