So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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