Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
