I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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