I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
