Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
These tits shall not be calmed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
