I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
