Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
