I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
