My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
