just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
