I puked a lego.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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