Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
