is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
