Sponge bath it is.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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