i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
