I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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