Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
