i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
