also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
