Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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