My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
