Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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