don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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