it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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