We're like a lot better than the average bears
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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