So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
