We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
