a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
