Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
