i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize