I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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