their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
