Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
