she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
