I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
