this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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