So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
