just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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