I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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