Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
