franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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